If choose we must, how to ?

[To start off here I want to show my weaknesses or the fear that I often experienced through the process of growing up and personal development. Why should I be afraid of being authentic and opening my feelings and thoughts to anyone ? I have no pride or image to defend or nothing to feel ashamed of.]

Who I am to preach something I cannot even pretend to start achieving myself ? How presumptuous am I to think that this is the right way for anyone at all but me ?
There are so many ways to fill the void in our lives, so many plans or projects to dream about and maybe start achieving. The question is: if choose we must (and I believe we do) how to choose ? I have a hard time seeing my friends being satisfied with their current paths and letting themselves get carried away by the flow of life, enjoying their youth without much caring about the future prospects (or at least they do not seem to worry much). How come they are not all so eager and ambitious to start their own project of life ? How come they are fine with their current life situations and do not want to achieve much greater ? Is another's life that I perceive as meaningless so bad and useless as I would like to think ?
Meaning. I need meaning. But some say meaning is pain or at least a potential cause for pain. I have to agree on that. I tried to find meaning in sports, getting myself to my limits, enjoying each improvement and success but what for ? It was not enough. I tried to find meaning in music, sharing my energy, experience and creativity with people. But people did not reciprocate. I tried to find meaning in relationships, making somebody else happy and putting all your selfish hopes in one another is a fun trick to do for a while but often ends up being really risky and involving a fair amount of sacrifices. Not so fun anymore. Letting go of the expectations on your partner is to my eyes one of the hardest event to overcome.
What am I looking for then ? I still believe somewhere in mind that some person or some achievement would fill the hunger of my desires and make me feel "happy" or satisfied for a while but I have to fight against this thought.
Then what ? No meaning. What would this mean ? Just enjoy yourself as much as you can before you die ? Just go with the flow ? Then I would love to stay on my fucking bed all day long and let myself dream my life FOREVER.
No. There must be something more. What about searching meaning in your inner self ? Maybe realizing that the present is all what exists and the letting of all your desires would lead you to a state of mind in which you feel constantly satisfied and grateful for all what is in this universe. However how do you reconcile desirelessness with enthusiasm and motivation to keep building something out of your existence ?
So still no clue on how to choose. Maybe Buddhism can bring us a peace of mind but still how to allocate the time we have until the end of existence ? Some say you have to experience a lot of things before choosing what to follow what matter to you. Motivation comes by doing. So time to dare ? New is always better ? I somehow cannot believe that after twenty-three years of existence I cannot distinguish what is important (not pleasureful) for me and what is not. Find the courage to go after something you are of pursuing or try something new which you thought would suck and realize if it fits your expectations or not. Maybe it is the way for me at least. Find friends who also have the courage to also challenge themselves out of their comfort zone and embrace life.
However, one last thing, we need a way to compare our experiences in a objective fashion. That is, do not get biased through emotional attachment and remember the past it was. Maybe time will do it. Or I am on a life-long way of trials. We will see.

D.S.

Comments

  1. UnknownDecember 3, 2014 at 11:56 PM

    Good article ! Well written ;-). Personnally I think that life is hard, always changing, very challenging anyway, and one doesn't have to look for growth. When the time is right, Life contrives one to grow ! With challenging experiences : death, illness, unemployment, depression, chronic boredom…

    But if your personal motivation in life is to experience new things, then go on, maybe that's YOUR way to be, your "mission"… But surely not the way for everyone. You're right though : most people want security, want to build a comfort zone, want to capture and secure happiness… but they will always fail because once again : Life is hard, changing and challenging… and we are all in the same boat.

    ReplyDelete
  2. UnknownDecember 4, 2014 at 12:17 AM

    Just one more idea : what if your personal comfort zone you've build in the past years… was to always experience new things, and never try to specialize in one area or another, and never settle yourself in one habit or another ? You see, we can look things in a totally other way than you do : maybe you're the one that's fleeing from the truth of life, which is not extraordinary, not corresponding to your impossible dreams and expectations, and your friends are more sensible than you, have understood that one has just to find some pleasure where he can, in simple, accessible and sometimes more predictable things… but generally speaking life is not predictable and even sometimes who would stay in his bed all his life, too afraid to move or do anything, would find some surprises each day, if he looks close enough.

    ReplyDelete
  3. UnknownDecember 4, 2014 at 12:19 AM

    sometimes = someone

    ReplyDelete

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