About life goals

Emotional maturity still seems very far away. I start wondering if having a plan or definite project would help. I'd love to discuss about it seriously but people are too proud or too fake to care I guess. Having a goal as a community would be easier, helping each other out.
But in the meanwhile I have to face an existential decision by myself. If I had to assess myself, I would say I can care pretty much decently for another human being, let him/her talk, let him/her clarify her mind. But it seems like I cannot care for myself. Maybe it's a good thing that society somehow forces us to work so much so that we do not have to worry to much about how little we know about ourselves.
So introspection is the key ? Meditate every day ? I have always seen meditation as a way to get rid (or at least dampen) our problems and worries. It does not give any solution. It brings us closer to the present moment and makes us appreciate it even more (instead of complaining like I am now =D). But still I was taught in school: "When there is a problem, if you reflect on it long enough, then you will always a solution." But I'm running in circles.
All I can think of as a goal is to have a career as a musician and as soon as I start working for it I get really depressed, realizing how much I suck at it and how unrealistic this goal is. Moreover I am getting even more upset when I think about how I spent the last 7 years of my life trying to improve my skills in this area, having as a result my current level. I really think I have something to share with everyone. Something valuable. An opinion which is worth having a look at in the Western countries.
So... Yeah... Anyway. I'm so upset I cannot even find a direction in this text nor a conclusion.  So good night.

Comments

  1. AnonymousMarch 23, 2014 at 10:43 PM

    I think the struggle is worth something, and I think you do care for yourself - this internal struggle is about your place in the world and it shows that you care for yourself. It's a personal recognition that you won't be content or complacent with the disquiet you now feel.

    What this struggle might be worth I cannot begin to guess, but I like to think of it like mulching a garden - one puts in a lot of random crap and turns it often during the cold season, with the trust that this input of mess and energy will provide the nutrients for what the garden was really meant for - fruits!

    I think people don't put enough stress on the fact that we are creatures of a biome with our own natural rhythms. One cannot expect a tree to always be in blossom and likewise a human needs their winter and spring.

    One more thing perhaps - I think people overestimate and overvalue their ability to be helpful. It is just as likely that in the trying we may make things work. No one really understands why and where and how everything has gone wrong, or if it really is wrong. I was wondering to myself the other day, "What if there was really nothing wrong with the world?" For myself it is a difficult question, because I know of many things which are absolutely wrong (ie. factory farms), but I think it's still good practice to contemplate.

    Maybe you are the kind of musician who gets depressed and whose work proceeds in starts and stops and bouts of desertion. A lot of artists are in this volatile sort of relationship with their art. I think, and here I am really speculating, that those who can accept whatever half-assed imperfect kind of person they are, are more free to use their art to express themselves, rather than try to pin themselves down. The former is much more enjoyable, the latter may be just as beautiful an expression of human struggle, but it is quiet uncomfortable to put *yourself* on display when an expression of yourself was all that was really needed.

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